This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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