I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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