you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
