The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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