You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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