Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
