Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
