Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
