I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
