i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
