someone owes me an orgasm
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
