dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
