see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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