you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
