You don't have asthma, your pregnant
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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