he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize