So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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