honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
