so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
