i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
