i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
