I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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