PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
