Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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