Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
