Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
