My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
