We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
