I bet he comes in French.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
