Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
