Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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