i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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