Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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