my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
