Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
