She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
