I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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