Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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