Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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