My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
