Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
