You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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