i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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