fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
