I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
