Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
