Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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