Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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