I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
farters have to be the big spoon...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Found the puke drawer
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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