Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
