i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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