Plan B is the new Plan A
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
