1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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