i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
