She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
